What they want vs what they need

The Change Question: What do they want?

I’m editing The Coaching Habit, preparing a 10-year special edition for next year. It’s been quite a while since I read it closely. It’s pretty good, actually.

The Foundation Question, number four of seven in the book, is “What do you want?”

It’s a very powerful question, and a tricky one. Often, we’re not good at tapping in deeply to what it is that we want. Get clear on what we want — for us, for them, for the situation at hand — can be a moment of insight and the foundation for taking action. 

Beyond want is need

As powerful as uncovering a want undoubtedly is, deeper still is understanding need.

In The Coaching Habit, I reference the work of Marshall Rosenberg (who in turn draws on that of economist Manfred Max-Neef), who proposes nine universal and self-explanatory needs.

Affection

Creation

Recreation

Freedom

Identity

Understanding

Participation

Protection

Subsistence


I can see how being thrown into a change experience pokes at least six of the nine.   

Pick three

If you had to pick three of these as central to you and the way you live your life, which ones would they be? For me: Creation; Freedom; Identity.

There’s a one in 84 chance that yours and mine will be the same.

It might be useful to know how what matters deeply to you is affecting the change program you’re leading. How might those needs be having you over- or under-weight certain aspects of the process?

It might be useful to review what’s going on, and understand how it might be challenging some people’s deeply felt needs, and whether anything needs to be adjusted if so.


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Where’s the friction?